I often find that people don't take it as seriously as they ought to, when I tell them that I'm Wheelz's carer. I don't know if it's because they don't truly understand what that means, or if it's because I'm her daughter and so they don't think it's a 'real job'. With a few people, I've gotten the impression that they think it's just an easy way for me to make some money from the government, without having to work for it!
In case it's not clear, that is categorically not true.
Being Wheelz's carer means a lot of different things to me, and I suppose some of those things are different to a paid, trained carer, because they're not related to her.
If I told people that I was a carer, and didn't mention that it's for my mother, they'd have a very different picture in their minds. They'd think I went to work in blue scrubs, visiting disabled/elderly people. They'd think that I went around, helping with painkillers and tablets, keeping a general eye on their health, and aiding them around their houses with both general and personal needs.
The truth is, I do all of that, except that Wheelz isn't elderly, and I'm generally wearing jeans and a hoodie.
But I do help her out with her painkillers and tablets throughout the day (especially the aspirin that never wants to come out of it's blister pack). I do keep an eye on her throughout the day, whether she's resting or awake. I keep track of her sleep, and how much of it she's not getting. I know roughly how much she's drinking throughout the day, and that realistically, it's not enough. I know what she's eating during the day, because I'm the one that prepares and cooks it. I know how much food is in the kitchen, and when the shopping needs doing, because I do the shopping and cooking. I help Wheelz around the flat when she's feeling unsteady, and have my ears trained in her direction when she's not. I'm her support both physically and emotionally.
When she has appointments to attend, regardless of whether they're blood tests, pain clinic or just med reviews, I go with her.
When she needs help walking to the bathroom and back because her knees aren't cooperating, I'm there to guide her, and help balance her as she walks.
And when she was feeling at her lowest low with everything, I was there to call the crisis team and put away the tablets that she'd been planning on taking.
I'm not saying that this is all one sided, of course. When I was having weekly panic attacks, and failing three driving tests in a row, Wheelz was there to give me a hug, and tell me that it didn't matter if I could drive or not.
When I'm not sleeping well, or I'm unwell, or it's day 2 of my period, she does everything she can to need me as little as possible.
What Wheelz and I have is unique and probably quite unusual, but it's been working for us.
I don't want this post to come across as pious. She's my mum, and I'd do all of that for her and more, if she needed me to.
But I'm sick and tired of feeling like I'm looked down upon for what I do. I may not be with an agency, or employed by the NHS, but I am a carer.
The truth is, no matter how willing we are to do it, family/friend carers, those of us who get by on Carer's Allowance, get paid a pittance for what we do. We do everything that an agency/NHS carer would do and more, as well as being paid less and being judged more.
Despite how difficult it can be at times, I truly wouldn't change what we have. Wheelz is my very best friend, and I know we're lucky to be so close. My work is being with my best friend all the time, which not very many people get.
But being a carer is not a free ride. It is not sitting at home all day, doing sweet fuck all and being paid for it. It is just as much work as any other job.
I wouldn't change what I do, because being there for Wheelz is probably the most fulfilling thing I've ever done with my life.
But I would change how other people saw it.
I wish everyone truly understood what it actually means to be a carer.
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