Soap, glorious soap!

I've been saying I'll write about this for ages. So being as we're snowed in, I'll write a nice lighthearted post about our soap making adventures, as opposed to complaining about the cold, and our temperamental boiler.

Last year, when we found out we were getting our bathroom done, both Wheelz and I mentioned that we liked the idea of making soap. So we decided to give it a go.
I got a couple of make-your-own soap kits for Christmas, had a brief read of the instructions, and we set off.
The pictures aren't suitable for sharing.



Nah, I'm kidding. We had fun, and they turned out pretty well. Wheelz made a bright pink coconut oat soap, whilst I branched out with green pina colada scented soap. They looked cute enough that we were more than happy to send them out. I just can't find the pictures.

Since then, I've made quite a few more soaps. I made a batch with Lil Monster, and neither of us died, proving that we can spend time together as a family with no casualties. We made goats milk soap, in clementine and vanilla fruit varieties.

I've loved making the soaps. I like the creative element, and I also like the ease of it. It doesn't take long to make beautiful soaps, which look and smell great, and are perfectly functional. I also like doing something where the results are fairly instantaneous. With the soap kits we've used, you just melt the base, add scents and colours, and they set within a day or so. There's something very relaxing about making something where you can see it coming together and working before your very eyes. I suspect part of that comes from my background in sugar flowers. With sugar flowers, the end result is very pretty, but there's a lot of planning and uncertainty to get there. With soaps, if it looks right and smells right, chances are you're onto a winner.

We've been sending our soaps out as birthday presents for family, save a few that we're keeping for ourselves (or would be, if Wheelz hadn't stolen my coconut scrub soap!), and they've been well received. But even if they weren't, it wouldn't take away from the sense of achievement that comes from making something with your own two hands, and being able to see that not only can you do something successfully, it can turn out beautifully.

Vanilla fruits, goats milk. Pretty swirled with pink

Clementine and chocolate, goats milk base. Although, mostly clementine...

Lemon and poppy seed.

Coconut scrub soap. This was Wheelz's, but now she has two.
Being as she stole mine, and all. Not that I'm salty...

And last but not least, coconut oil soap.
This went to Wheelz for her birthday, due to her obsession with all things coconut scented.

Happy birthday, Wheelz!

To my partner in crime, my pick me up when I'm feeling low, my very best friend

I know it's been a real shitter of a week, what with bathroom reno still never ending, and leurgies from Lil Monster still taking their toll.
I just wanted to take the time to write you this, before I go to bed. I'm lying in bed, listening to you listen to 'More Than Words', and thinking I'm so glad that I stayed up till midnight to be your first 'happy birthday'.

You never believe me when I say it, but I truly do feel lucky to have you as my best friend. There's no one in the world who gets me like you do, and vice versa. We've had a hell of a year together, haven't we? Moving house, Lil Monster dramas, various diagnoses and appointments, renovations...
And there's no one else that I'd have wanted to go through it with, both good times and bad.

Here's hoping that this year holds more good than bad (and I'm knocking on every available piece of wood for that!). I hope you have a fantastic day, because I can think of no one who deserves it more.

So to the incredible woman who taught me the true meaning of strength, resilience and bravery, as well as a kick ass sense of humour, happy birthday, Wheelz.

From

Stripes, and the beasties

Well I didn't get to sleep yet but.....

... I did set up a twitter account!!  Not sure how much use it will get but if anyone is reading this and wants to say hi, just go to twitter and send us a tweet!

Happy birthday to me.....well, nearly!

I'm 48 on Friday and my head is abuzz.

There's the meeting with the Doctor where weight loss surgery was suggested. The follow-up meeting where it was chased up. And the two friends who have undergone said surgery in the last three months alone.

I've been following keto since December, with a break for Christmas, and according to the scales have lost the grand total of 11 lbs.  Near-daily photos of my face show a difference but that could just be lighting, eyebrow makeup and the angle of the phone - according to me anyway.

For my birthday, I decided to shave most of my hair off and bleach it blonde. Yep, I'm finally going blonde - I've wanted to do it for nearly 30 years but have always chickened out as I thought my mother would disapprove (believe me, I KNOW I have mummy issues and there isn't enough room in this post to go into it).  Now, this decision was also based on the idea that the newly installed wet room would mean I can shower regularly and wash/dye my hair myself - some independence at last!! Into the third week of the renovation (that was meant to last a week to ten days), and the hope is dwindling. My birthday is Friday and although the shower is working (at the moment), the water pump is not which means the water doesn't drain away.

We don't need another flood and the cats object to getting their paws wet, so no shower for me.

It's been - well, difficult is the polite word for it. I'm not sleeping; the cats are stressed because of strangers in and out all day as well as the noise; Stripes is stressed because she's trying to look after everyone and make it all okay when it's completely out of her control; and Little Monster gives no f*cks whatsoever because that's her MO.  Things got even more stressful when Little Monster called from school on Friday saying she wasn't feeling well. She threw up on Sunday which meant mandatory two days off school - during which time she has driven both me and Stripes completely insane.  Thank God she's going back tomorrow, but not before making sure to pass her leurgy on to me. Which is why I'm awake at 05:39 on a Tuesday night, when I should be resting/sleeping. I'm halfway through a roll of toilet paper blowing my nose and wishing that sneezing didn't make my back seize up nearly every single time. The pain of trying NOT to sneeze is almost as bad as the pain when I do!

So, very quick catch up because I should at least attempt to turn the lights off, put on the CPAP mask and close my eyes before 6 am.

January : I helped make one batch of soap. Stripes has made several more and they are getting more beautiful and more intricate as she goes. Beautiful enough to use as birthday presents for family and for them to ask where we got them from.

February:

• grow my eyebrows (they are shamefully sparse), 
• bleach my hair
• live in the shower for at least a week
• keep on keto

March: to be decided, although hopefully keto will still be ongoing and my eyebrows will be becoming bushy!

We went to the Dr in January for a smear test. And it was just as enjoyable as you might expect. The room they wanted us to get to was awkward with the wheelchair - sort of round a corner and through a narrow doorway into a small room; the bed they wanted me to lie on was narrow and kinda scary; and the privacy was non-existent to be frank. But hey, I managed it and the results were fine so check that off the list. The next doctor's appointment was worse because the room where it was held was through a doorway that was too narrow for the wheelchair, so I had to lean against the wall whilst Stripes semi-put the chair down and dragged it through the doorway, set it up again and caught me as I collapsed into an ungainly heap. No members of staff tried to help us - a member of the public kept the door open for us to get through.

And this is a relatively new doctor's surgery which has disabled parking, some automatic doors and lifts. It beggars belief, it really does.

So I haven't been out and about much - a trip to Asda has been the most adventurous I've got, and that was FUN because I was on a mobility scooter and could race Stripes and Little Monster down the aisles!

I will try to write more, but I've been feeling rather low and rather useless - what do I have to write when I don't go anywhere or do anything?

Well apart from the Thirty Seconds to Mars concert we are booked to go to in March; and that rain or shine, we are going to the cinema to see 'Black Panther'; and probably going to the cinema to see 'Fifty Shades Freed' because not only is it delicious trash, but it has Tyler Hoechlin in it and he is one of my current 'crushes' (six years and counting so far). But apart from that, we won't be going out much, honest.

Yeah, I'll write more - I promise!

The Never Ending Story

OK, that might be exaggerating a little bit, because it's almost over with. I bloody hope it is, anyway.

I had hoped to have a post set up for the end of January, when our bathroom work was due to be done. But, as is often the case with our luck, works have taken longer than expected. Then things stopped working. Then they started working, and something else stopped working. To be honest with you, it's kind of the story of our lives.

A bit of backstory. When Wheelz, Lil Monster and I moved in August, we moved into a property that an occupational therapist said needed to be converted. This was absolutely fine with us. Wheelz's physical restraints mean that a bath is too much to manage, whereas a shower should be absolutely fine. The grant took a while to come through, but eventually, at the end of last year, we were given a date in January when work would begin.
We were incredibly excited. As I said, it would mean so much for Wheelz especially. She could take showers independently, with no worries about getting in or out of the bath. She'd be able to wash her hair properly, instead of using the no-rinse shampoo from the care supply shop. The work that needed doing, which they predicted would take a week to ten days, would be well worth the initial inconvenience of having workers in, right?

Well... I suppose so. But it's not done yet.
When the work first started, it was tough to get used to. Early mornings blighted by incredibly loud noise from drilling, and removing tiles, and rerouting plumbing. People flitting in and out of our home, with no introduction and few explanations. The cats were freaking out at the intruders, spending a lot of time hiding, and not eating, and keeping very close to us for protection.
For a few nights, Wheelz had to sleep on the sofa, because it was too much for her to cart all of her stuff (painkiller drawer, CPAP machine, duvet, crutches etc,) through to the living room. The dust kicked up, made her asthma worse. The tools and supplies made our flat a veritable assault course to get from one end to the other. The kitchen was filled with toilet cisterns and new sinks, whilst my bedroom doorway held shower rails and parts.
We spent two days barely able to get through the front door because of the giant box that housed the shower gates.
Saturday mornings weren't exempt either. Our plumber wanted the job done as soon as possible, which meant starting early, working weekends and bringing in extra help/apprentices (his identity was never made clear to us).
We spent time poring over tile colours and floor coverings to make our selections, sweeping up the debris caused by builders wandering through the flat and keeping our fingers crossed that they would be finished soon.

And, thank God, they said they were. On Saturday just gone, 3/2/18, he said he was finished. He showed me the shower, and told me that we just had to wait on the electrician to hook it up, and it was ready. He walked me through the issue with the boiler and explained that he'd complete the radiator just as soon as we got it repressured (?), so that he wouldn't overload it and cut off our heating.
I'll tell you, Wheelz and I rejoiced. We'd spent the last two weeks managing with strip washes in the sink, and were desperate for a proper shower, with hot water and handmade soap- which I promise, I will eventually get around to posting about.
The electrician showed up yesterday morning. He disappeared into the bathroom for a while, whilst we waited with bated breath to hear that the shower was done. Then we heard him on the phone to the plumber. There was an issue, the said. The circuit board wasn't working. No bother. A quick job, which they would pop around this morning and fix. We tempered our disappointment, and waited for them today.
The plumber showed up this morning. He brought the new circuit board, and reiterated that it was an easy fix. He disappeared into the bathroom. An hour or so later, he stuck his head around the door, and asked if I wanted to see the shower working. I nearly knocked him over, trying to get there so quick. And it worked! You pressed a button, water flowed out. I was ecstatic! He got me to sign off on his work, and bid me a good day. When Wheelz awoke, she wanted to come see the new shower, so that she could finally, finally use it.

Except, when Wheelz came to take a look, there was an issue. We pressed the on button, and it started flashing red.
Now, we're fairly capable, resourceful women. So we had a look through the manual, and managed to right the problem. For a few short minutes, it was great. We had flowing hot water!!
Then we noticed that the pump wasn't working. The water wasn't draining, and was in fact making it's way to the toilet with surprising speed. We got in touch with the plumber.
He came around to ours, and expressed surprise that it wasn't working properly. After all, it had been just fine when he had left, not even an hour before.
"That never happens. If there's ever a fault, it's with the shower or the pump, but never both."
Wheelz and I exchanged a droll look. With us, it can always be both.
So, the plumber took a look, dried up the floor, removed some tiles. An electrical fault, he thinks. So he called the electrician, who can't be with us until about three. The shower's fine, he said. No problem there at all. Just the pump not working.
So the electrician has to come by and try to fix it. If he can, the plumber will be back in the morning to replace the tiles. If not... well, I'm trying not to consider that possibility.
We need a shower back. For obvious reasons - the back of Lil Monster's neck is looking disturbingly grey - but also because Friday is Wheelz's birthday.

Historically, no matter how much organising and haranguing and threatening I do, something goes wrong on Wheelz's birthday. Whether it's Lil Monster kicking off, or Bible Sis refusing to get in touch or visit, or having to put the day off because of illness, there is always something.
It feels worse this year, because this was meant to be done. She was meant to get a hot shower, and some handmade soap and a new bleached hairstyle for her birthday. I'd planned it, made it work, willed it to be so, goddammit! But yet again, things are starting on a bad note, and it's not even something within my control.

So, we'll wait until later, to see if the electrician can fix it. And we'll manage if he doesn't, because that's what we always do.
But you mark my words, if this neverending story doesn't find a cut off point sometime very soon, I'm going to be having serious words with whatever cosmic forces have got it in for us!

A rough day

Sometimes, I feel as though the root cause of my anxiety is this:

For millennia, the universe has managed to keep things goings. Even if civilisations have risen and fallen, and creatures have gone extinct the world over, there is a constancy to the universe. The sun will rise in the morning, and set in the evening. The earth will orbit the sun, taking roughly 364.25 days to do so. Every day, people will be born, and take the place of those who have passed. These things, we all know to be true.

And yet, I can't even manage to keep the two most important people in my world happy. There is always angst and anger, hurt and ill feeling. There are days that pass in which no one feels truly happy, where we all seem to be tiptoeing around one another, terrified of the proverbial egg shells.
And I feel as though the crushing weight of the universe sits upon my shoulders.
We have kept galaxies and planets, constellations and countless stars alive for millennia, if not more. In the twenty short years that you have been in existence, you can't even manage to keep your family happy. Not even happy all the time; you can't even seem to manage an even-keeled balance. 

It's days like these when I feel this the most keenly. Days when we have tried for a 'normal' family day, and failed rather epically.
And the worst of it is, I'm not even sure it's mine to fix. I suspect it is something that we're all supposed to club together and heal, which is no mean feat considering one of us is fourteen and going through the typical selfish bloody teenager phase. Familial relationships are never the fault of one, nor can one alone heal them. Logically, I know this.
But even so, I feel as though I am failing.

Happy New Year!

As the title starts, Happy New Year to anyone reading this. We've somehow made it to 2018.

I know I'm a little late in posting this- technical issues, family shit. Same old.
This will probably only be a short post.
As the clock passed midnight, Wheelz, Lil Monster and I asked one another, what are your resolutions for this year? What are you aiming to do?

Life has taught me not to make any firm resolutions. They don't seem to work out. The universe has an uncanny way of stepping in and messing things up. But I have made a few small resolutions, a few small personal goals that I'm going to try and keep up this year.

1. Write more. Whether it's on here, or in a diary, or recreationally. I'm going to try and make time to sit down and write at least once a week. There's something cathartic about letting words fill a page. It feels like unloading, like letting things go. Even if there's nothing special, or new, or important about what I'm writing. It's just good to let things out of my head.

2. Talk to people, about how I'm feeling. The day after Boxing Day, my lovely Aunt offered to give me a lift home. She's in a similar situation to me with regards to Lil Monster. It was the first time in a while that I've had a chance to talk to someone openly, about my thoughts and feelings, without feeling like I had to censor myself. She told me to get in touch with her, if ever I wanted to chat, or a distraction. I realised that I don't really talk to anyone about my innermost thoughts. I'm not sure if that's because some of them feel too toxic to let out, or if it's because I don't want to burden them. But I ought to talk more, and let people listen, and help. Which leads me onto my next...

3. Accept help. I don't like feeling indebted to people, which is how I generally end up feeling if I accept help from them. The aforementioned lovely Aunt offered to give me a lift, and I felt weird about it and sent her petrol money afterwards. She told me there wasn't any need. Why can't I accept help from others? Is it because I want to feel like I've got a handle on everything? I don't know. But there isn't anything wrong with accepting help. In fact, if I was offering advice to someone else in my position, I'd tell them to take all the help they could get! I'm going to try, this year, to take my own advice a little bit more.

There are other things that I'll probably try and do this year. Wheelz and I are going to attempt soap making this year, as well as experimenting with some fun new keto recipes.
2018, watch out!